A Locke Family Christmas Eve

Well, its been awhile, but things always tend to get busy around the holidays right?  Anyway, the day started with some cookie baking and ended with some heavy drinking at the Locke family house for a gathering in the garage.  Needless to say, spending Christmas morning with the relatives was not all that fun...

  Washing the hands is necessary when preparing food

The dough was kinda tough to mix flower into.  I got a little bit into it though

John made some shapes

Cookie cutters are useful for making shapes

Blurry cookies!

My cookie was "da bomb!" Get it?            Its ok if you don't, the joke is full of subtle nuances...

I also made some peanut butter ones

Sara made a nice pair

This is what they looked like after they had been cooked. Mmmm, cooookies...

Damn! Those are some nice looking tits!

Then it came time to frost them

These ones were mine

These were Sara's

"So wait, you mean... the frosting goes... on... the cookies?"

They looked good enough to eat when we were all finished

Sara frosted her tits.

My bomb turned out purple because, apparently "black" isn't a "Christmas color"

"FOR JIHAD"

Oh yeah, I made fudge too. It was delicious

Oh hey Mike.  Fancy seeing you here.

Let's see whats behind door number 1!

Congratulations contestant! You've won a bunch of dudes getting saucy in a cold ass garage! This is just so great! I've never won anything before!

"You picked door number 1? What a dick bag"

"Well, now that you're here..."

"Why not enjoy some Yoda rape?"

Oh god, hes just bending him over and giving it to him!

After he came, Brendin tossed him away like last nights wadded up gizz tissues.

Then we hung that bitch. Force be damned!

That ping pong ball in the corner of the photo can only mean one thing...

That's right. Bro pong!

Everybody quickly tired of waiting for beer pong, so we had to switch our game up.

To flip cup. It was a game of pussy's...

Vs faggots.  Naturally I was on the fag team.

We kept kicking ass though. Those pussies were bummed

"Try again next round, losers"

"Oh, you think I'm not strapped fool?"

And then everyone got drunk, lost interest, and started milling around.

These lovely ladies sat most of the evening out. They mentioned something about self-control, whatever that is.

"SELF-CONTROL? ILL SHOW YOU SELF-CONTROL!!!"

So then I hit him

Brothers...

Watch where you point that thing buddy, you'll put somebody's eye out. Why don't you go wrap a unicycle or something?

Things found in the garage are always more fun when found under the tree on Christmas morning!

"This one's for little Billy"

And then there's this picture.  Spring time fresh perhaps?

Christmas eve's Locke Jam 2009 was great success.  Merry Christmas assholes!

John's Shlong and Beer Pong

Yeah, you read that right.  I hoped and prayed I'd never have to see it either, but the other night I went to Clayton and Hanna's house to hang out and enjoy a casual game of beer pong because i had nothing better to do and it all just spiraled downhill.  Before the madness though, Sara and I went to the book store and bought a couple books...  Disclaimer:  The pictures that have been blacked out have been done so due to circumstances beyond my control.  Thank you for understanding.

I wanted to find out how exactly someone Jesuses out to sea and also when, exactly, Jesus became a verb.

Grand Theft Jesus comes with stiff sentences and felony indictments.  Little known factoid: it is also the most serious offense you can commit in the US of A.

And then, just like that, BAM! Beer pong time

My response was quick and precise. Heres Cody being all jealous of my skilllz.

OH NO! ITS GOZHEIRA! RUN!

Hanna came in and stole the DVD player for the girlie party she was having inside.  We were invited, but we preferred to stay outside and watch John flop his dick around.

Seth had to wait for his turn

That one is in!

My brother and his friends even made it, which was awesome.  I don't get to hang out with that dude nearly enough.

Cheerleaders!

My brother, my imaginary cat, and I had the next game. Its so fuzzy...

We played against these douche bags.  My brother killed it. I didn't

Clayton got a special chip delivery from outside

Kulunga showed up out of nowhere and played a few rounds

Meanwhile, back in the house...

Sara was partying next to the fire

PUPPY!

Im pretty sure Kulunga was inside before she beer ponged it

Back to the game...

These dudes were on a roll...

So it seemed kind of unnecessary for John to be doing this, but I guess he was feeling sexy or something

"Eh, whatever, just let us take our shots."

"You just got POWNED"

John can't handle the pressure, so he cracked.  The photos that follow aren't pretty. Continue at your own risk.

At this point in the game, I wasn't making too many

I think it may have had something to do with John's D... fence... defense

"C'mon baby, make it, make it!"

"OHHHHH" And bam! Out comes the cock again. Jeeaasus Christ man!

  John really know how to take all the fun out of a game of beer pong.  Just touch your cock first and rub your hand all over the game ball...  AND GAME OFF

We all went back inside after the horror show in the garage

They were watching Dexter

I enjoyed my Decembeer on a couch with a fire not more than 8 feet away

John checked his computer

And then passed out; the big hairy bitch

By the end of Dexter, everyone was tired so we said good night and we all left