In the final installment of my trip down south, Mike, Sara, and I decided to head into Kevin Duffel territory to observe him in his natural habitat, also known as LA. There we enjoyed numerous bars, some chicken and waffles, and even... a near beer.
Before we left for LA we checked out the turtle park in Santa Barbara
There was a large pond with lots of ducks
Hella ducks in love, but not many turtles. It was kind of a let down at first
Especially since there was a sign telling us not to harass the turtles (note that its plural)
But then we found the one turtle running around that day
And Kevin couldn't help but try to disturb him
But he beat a hasty retreat into the lake
And swam around all turtly like
All the turtle hunting made us hungry so we went to this place for turtle soup
Just kidding, Mike went for the $50 lobster.
I went for the lobster bisque in a bread bowl, because it wasn't $50 and I don't ball like the serpent does.
Shake hands with deliciousness
Lobster, I think I'm in love with you
Time to eat the delicious insides. I'm not gonna lie, I was slightly jealous
Until we got the bill and Mike's meal accounted for over 50 percent of it
After liberating the lobster from life Mike saw these guys and wanted to buy and liberate them from captivity. He didn't though
With lunch completed, we partied on down to LA to stay with Kevin
We had to stop off at the ATM so Mike could continue to ball though
After that we checked out some bars. Heres Sara looking beautiful as usual under a dead deer's head
Apparently dudes in LA need a little more luck than the rest of us
Kevin doesn't need any luck though, hes good.
Neither does Mike. He was wasted and in perfect form.
By the time we left the bar mike was in need of some extra support
We took the party back to Kevin's and Alex DJ'd. I think we only heard Miley Cyrus's "Party in the USA" 20 or 30 times that night.
It clearly wasn't enough though, because we reacted the same way every time it came on.
Shortly after this picture was taken everyone passed out...
After that adventurous day it was time for the evenings festivities to begin. But first, Mike and Alex had to get ready.
"Uh, were not leaving until I look fabulous."
"Cheers to that"
Bam. Its Mike, but with class.
Alex took a bit longer to get ready
Professional quality modeling from Mike Locke. Why don't people pay this man to be beautiful?
After getting dressed we all went to dinner. Alex paid the bill while Mike put the finishing touches on the penis he was drawing.
We had to stop in to the James Joyce to grab a beer. They live like animals in there. Peanut shells everywhere.
From the bar, we decided to check out the latest in vibrating technology. Here Mike contemplates a purchase
We obviously entered.
There were giant dicks everywhere
There was even an Obama shaped dildo. Now you too can fuck the first black president!
After all the dicks we went to go find more
At this sweet party!
This dick's outfit screamed class
To be fair though, this is probably what he was seeing when he picked out his clothes this evening. This is Santa Barbara after all
He and this other dick were playing beer pong; the gentleman's sport.
Meanwhile, Mike found a lady (sort of) to talk to
This is what he really thought of her when he wasn't being polite
"So then I says, 'Rectum? I damn near killed him!'"
"Watch it Mr. Filthy Mouth"
Believe it or not, this man had no booze in his system when this photo was taken
"I'm just going to go ahead and get the fuck outta here. Yeah, as far away from you as possible"
After that phenomenal evening, Mike had some difficulty getting up in the morning
Luckily for him, I was on hand in my Space Jam shirt to help him drink water in the morning. That'll cure any hangover
Sara and I had to leave him behind though because we wanted breakfast and he wanted to sleep more
We went and got breakfast pitas at the Pita Pit and on the way we saw this environmentally conscious citizen. This model of bike uses half of all the resources of a normal bicycle and reduces his carbon footprint by at least 50%. Its like a hybrid but even more douchy.
When we finished breakfast, we decided it was time for the beach again
I don't have a clue how a smashed pumpkin ended up here, considering Halloween was over two months ago. Maybe it time warped... These little birds ran around on the beach really fast. But in every photo I have of them they're flying away. I guess wasn't being very sneaky
The tide pools were pretty
The ocean was pretty
This giant seaweed barrier was not
This puppy was killing it
When Sara and I got back Mike was already perched with his leftovers in hand
This dude had a killer park job
This old dude was shorter than his girlfriend. He compensated for his shortness with his sweet baby blue trucker hat.
Meanwhile, back at the beach...
You can't really tell, but those lines in the sand are the giant, veiny sand penis that I drew for the party above us
Then it was time for partying
We walked by some party sluters
And then we found our own party. Nothing says "party" like a dress made of curtains!
Sara and her friend stuck together all night and talked pretty much exclusively to each other...
But its understandable when you have dudes like this showing of their lousy dance moves, spilling beer all over themselves, and grabbing their smelly cocks. Only in Santa Barbara ladies and gentlemen.
Mike loved the party
This guy was alright
After the party, Kevin had to break the law
On to party number two
They had the mandatory beer pong table
And a tiki bar that was serving straight shots of Taaka vodka with no chaser... Classy!
These assholes felt the need to wear snow goggles with the beach not 30 feet away from them. Where's the snow, bros?
Somehow this dude convinced a girl to touch him
We wandered to party #3 and on the way saw this. I would have loved to see the geniuses that masterminded this one.
The next party had a bridge in front of it
And a really gay dude dancing solo in the back of it. Earlier in the night we saw him on the street. He hit on Mike. His line was, "Hey, big daddy!" Needless to say, Mike's nickname for the rest of the trip was Big Daddy.
This is any given backyard in Santa Barbara
"No, bro. We're not going to give you 5 bucks to 'hit' your keg of Natty light"
This girl had gunnnnnnnnns
This guy was loving the piss in his mouth
After all that excitement we called it quits for the night to prepare for the day ahead.
So Crystal Castles covered this song and did it really well, especially when Robert Smith did the vocals. Unfortunately for their version of the song however, its missing a bunch of feminine looking men playing instruments... Here you go...
As you Probably have already guessed, my name is Willie. I like to do things generally. More specifically I like to do things like skateboard, adventure, party, write, listen to music, and have fun. I started this blog as a sort of photo journal of my life. I hope its as awesome for you to look at as it is for me to live it.